If I Can Dish It....

If I can dish the insults, I should be able to take it, right?  Well, let me tell you, I took it last night.

After a bit of a hiatus, I decided to get back online and check my “matches.”  Low-and-behold there was a cutie that caught my eye:  His name is Clinton.  He wears “Elvis Costello glasses” (YUM!), he’s a landscape architect, 39-years-old, loves cooking (he’s vegan, but hey, I can hang with that), likes wine, hiking, yoga, pets & kids…

We had a nice little online courtship before we called each other to make plans for a wine-tasting last night.

I have to say I was excited for the date. He seemed right up my alley: Cute, calm, natural, genuine, quirky.  Perfect, right?

WRONG.

Maybe you’re an online dater too, and you’ve had that experience where you walk into a room to meet your date, when the look of utter disappointment overcomes you. Well, that’s the look he gave me.

Yes, that’s the look HE gave ME.

Hey, I’m not conceited or anything but when I do my hair, put on a nice outfit and apply a double-dose of mascara, I don’t usually induce someone’s gag-reflex. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say.

He proceeded to be entirely snarky and sarcastic the minute he sat down; first, making fun of the wine menu: “Overtones of grass and leather?!  I don’t want to taste leather… I’m a vegan.”

Hey, if you like wine, then you should expect that a WINE BAR will have such adjectives as “leathery” or “meaty” to describe the flavor of the wine. IT DOESN’T MEAN THERE IS ACTUAL MEAT IN THE WINE. And by the way, I chose this joint. Don’t insult it please.

But I held my tongue; didn’t say anything. Smiled instead.  And I tried to be perky, engaging. Maybe the mood will change?

It wasn’t until about five minutes later, when he started YAWNING, that I started to get annoyed.

I’m not talking one yawn, I’m talking consecutive yawing, coupled with him taking off his Elvis-Costello-glasses and rubbing his eyes...WHILE YAWNING.

I tried to hang in there and keep the conversation going but… more yawning.

Ok, I get the point.

I asked him if he was tired and he said yes, that he didn’t get his “nap” today, after playing many hours of video games with his nephew.

So, I took the lead. I pulled out my credit card, called the bar-maiden over and asked for the check.

He looked shocked.

Really? You’re shocked? You’re shocked that I am cutting the date short because you’ve acted like a complete jackass?

As we were waiting for the check, he tried to make small talk and it looked like he felt a bit bad about the situation. He even went so far as to say, “Well, thank you, it’s not every day I get treated to wine by a lady.”

Darned right you don’t. Not acting this way.

And that’s how it ended.  I paid for the drinks, shook his hand and said good night.  Left him at the bar and walked to my car.

Listen…. I’m no dummy: I know all dates aren’t meant to be magical and I know when I don’t feel chemistry.  But the very least a person (guy OR girl) can do is to hold-out for an hour, be gracious and kind, have a nice glass of wine, and get to know someone before judging them…or YAWNING.  Body language is everything, and if you put out insulting body language, the other person will certainly pick up on it.

Better to leave it with: “Thank you for a nice evening; I’m not sure there is a connection here, but I enjoyed spending time with you. Good luck.” Easy, right?

So…. Good luck to you, Clinton.